It’s a Matter of Trust by James Callner

Author:James Callner
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: James Callner
Published: 2016-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 11

“Me, Being Me, and Letting You See Me”

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things, too. So we’re really not that different, me and you.

~ Colin Ray

I was at a conference where Bob Earll, who wrote I Got Tired of Pretending, was speaking on intimacy. His message was summed up in eight words: “Me, being me, and letting you see me.” What a great definition for opening to intimacy in any relationship, as it promotes honesty, authenticity, and openness.

I found that I could use this message for OCD too. In my experience, I have come to understand that we are “as sick as our secrets.” Our relationship with the disorder of OCD is as unique as our relationships with our friends, lovers, partners, coworkers, and all others.

It always amazes me how freely the majority of people can talk about most illnesses. But, when it comes to mental illness, if they discuss it at all, they talk in “hushed tones,” not wanting to be overheard, as if the very topic is taboo:

“Did you know he was bipolar?”

“She must be depressed. Just look at her.”

“Look at what he’s doing. He must have that OCD. Shhhhh.”

And while it can be much the same with other illnesses—perhaps cancer, certainly AIDS—discussing mental illness tends to make most people far more uncomfortable than talking about other health issues. At times, it seems as though people think they might “catch it” if they say the words too loudly. There is a serious stigma about mental illness in our society, and hushed voices and whispers only perpetuate the ignorance or misunderstanding of disorders that affect millions of us—family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers alike. OCD, like any other health crisis, is an equal opportunity illness.

Over the course of many years, I learned that holding in my fears and phobias was hurting me more than connecting and communicating with others. It wasn’t “me, being me, and letting you see me.”

I remember a student who wanted to take my TV/Film Acting class at the college where I was employed. It was a popular class. But, as with all acting classes, you had to open your heart to feelings you may have never felt before—not only in front of your peers but in front of a camera as well.

One day, a very shy, 20-something-year-old girl came to the class with her mother. Both she and her mother knew that I was the teacher who had been “open” about my disability and had no qualms about this being public information. In fact, I wanted people to know about my illness so I could help those students in the beginning stages of OCD.

The mother, with her daughter at her side, stopped me in the hallway and spoke to me in a hushed voice. “You are Jim Callner, right?”

“Yep, I’m the one and only.”

“I was told that you know about OCD.”

“Yes, I have a nonprofit educational foundation that helps people with OCD.

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